


Real

by leopup6ta



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mentions of Carolina and Wash, Psychosis, abandonement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-08
Updated: 2019-10-08
Packaged: 2020-11-26 15:21:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20932409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leopup6ta/pseuds/leopup6ta
Summary: Isaac's never known why his mother hated his friends.Or why everyone calls him a freak.He does know what safe feels like, though.(Cannot stress this enough: Please read the warnings before continuing.)





	Real

Isaac chugs from his sippy cup as his momma drives the big, noisy machine. His momma said they were going on a field trip and gave him his favorite orange and green sippy cup filled with orange juice. He loves orange juice. He looks to his right and giggles when his friend, TuckTuck makes a funny face. He laughs a little louder when ChuChu blows a raspberry. He finishes his juice and puts it down gently on his lap. He didn't want to lose it, afterall, it was a gift from his grandpa and grandma. He laughs again when TuckTuck playfully smacks ChuChu.

"Momma, look! TuckTuck and ChuChu are fighting again. Tell them to stop!" He shouts while laughing. His mother gives him a light frown and shakes her head. Isaace pouts when his friends continued fighting, but a little harder this time. "Momma!" He shouts a little louder, "Tell them to stop, I'm scared!" He doesn't notice the way her jaw clenches, or the way her hand grip the steering wheel, but he does notice it when lets out a heavy sigh. 

"Isaac...now's not the time to be playing games with your friends," she grits out, "so please...Be. Quiet." She grinds out and stayed focused on the road. 

Isaac stared wide eyed at his momma with a tinge of fear. She never spoke to him like that. Ever. Right?

TuckTuck shakes his head. "Momma gets mad when you talk to us," he murmurs and yawns. ChuChu nods and yawns also. Isaac whimpers and looks back at his momma before yawning as well. He was sleepy, and he's very quiet when sleeping so maybe that's what momma was talking about. She was telling him to go to sleep. He smiles as he slips off into lala land. 

The next time he woke up, the big machine wasn't on and his momma wasn't there. Neither was there a big bright sun in the sky or the car seat his momma insisted he use. He still had his sippy cup with him and it was full this time. He smiles gleefully and start chugging while he walks around to explore. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he finds an open door and bright lights! He runs over, hoping his momma is there, but she isn't. It's another woman. He didn't know if she was another momma, but she sure did look like it; she looked old. He walks up to her, sippy cup held in both hands. "Excuse me. Where's my momma?" 

The woman takes a pause of whatever she was doing on the small tv and board with buttons and looks at him with a smile. "Oh, baby. She'll be back soon, don't worry. Now run along. It'll be breakfast soon, okay? You'll make lots of new friends here." Her smile was too sweet and Isaac thought that maybe the woman was lying, but momma doesn't so maybe momma will come back soon. 

"Okay!" He grins and runs back to where he was. He gets on the cot he got up from before noticong the lights were on and TuckTuck and ChuChu were already at his side. "We're gonna make new friends," he whispers excitedly at them and high fives them. 

"Heh, check out the new kid. We got another freak." Came the voice from the other side of the room, but Isaac didn't pay them any attention. He was eager for breakfast, and far more excited to make new friends to play with. When his momma came back, he was gonna tell her aaaaaalllllll about it. 

*

Isaac stares out of the window for the umpteenth time that month, waiting for that familiar big, loud, machine and the soft smile of his momma. On the first day, he made a lot of new friends! It was weird how they separated into two different color groups but it at least helped him know the different colors of blue and red when coloring! A lot of the other kids hurt him everyday, but his friends stand up for him and he was proud of them. The other woman-Brenda, he now knows- grabs his hand gently and leads him out of the _lobby_ and into the cafeteria for lunch. He pouts, but sits down and smiles a little when he's given his plate of food, though immediately frowns when he sees the pill. 

"Ms. Brenda. I don't want to take them." Isaac looks at her wide eyed, innocence shining bright. 

She smiles softly. "I know, but you have to. Why don't you want to?" She asks him gently and quietly. 

"Because my friends will ignore me if I do." His eyes were becoming watery and he rubs at his eyes to stop them from leaking. Brenda gives him a sympathetic smile.

"I know, and I'm sorry they're such mean friends to you when you take it, but it'll get better if you keep taking them, okay?" She stands up and ruffles her hair and urges him to take the pill. With a big exaggerated sigh, he takes it and frowns at the unexcited look TuckTuck was giving him. 

A couple years pass and Isaac meets a new friend. Her name was Texas and he was currently talking with her during his lunch time. Ms. Brenda had made sure his lunch time was during recess so the other bullies didn't take it from him and thankfully the pills were gone. He was eating outside, watching the other kids play on the swing set that he didn't notice the group of bullies until his food was snatched away. 

"Hey, that's my food!" He yells and tries to reach for it. 

"Freaks like you don't deserve food!" "Why don't you crawl back to hell!?" "Who'd ever want you!?" "Bet your _momma_ left you here for good!" 

Isaac shrieks and stomps his foot. "Momma didn't leave me! She's coming back!" He shouts and tries to push one of them. Behind him, Texas was yelling at him, telling him to fight back. So he did. 

And bit into the bully's thigh.

Hard.

He heard the bully scream and try to push him away, but that only made him bite harder until he tasted blood. It was until then he pulled away, scared that he hurt the bully a lot. He looked around and saw that none of his friends were around except Texas who was grinning, giving him two thumbs up. He smiled, but jumped in fear when he heard Ms. Brenda yell at him. Not the bully. At him, he, Isaac. 

He spent the night again in the white room. 

A week later he was at the lobby again, but this time, Ms. Brenda said he was going to go with some people. A man and a woman who wanted to be his papa and momma. He frowns and shakes his head, trying to retreat. Ms. Brenda stopped him. 

"Isaac, sweetie. If you don't like it there, you can come right back here, okay?" She smiles gently and Isaac nods. 

Ms. Brenda has always been a liar. That he knows now. 

* * *

At the peak age of 17, Felix was highly sought by all the chicks in school, the most popular guy in school and was sort of a living legend among them all. He smirks as the girls in his class flock towards him, literally grabbing onto anything they can. 

"Ladies, ladies, no need to fight. There's enough of me to go around," he grins and winks at them, chuckling when a few othem faint. It was so easy to play with these girls, to lead them on as if they had a chance. He wasn't gay of course, but neither was he strictly straight and everyone knew his eyes were currently on the school's silent guy. After the other guy practically made a fool of him in front of their entire swim class, he new he had to kick him down a few notches.

No one, and he means _no one_, can rip his first place spot on the swim team. It was nearing Christmas break and right now, he needed everyone to agree to come to his big winter costume/birthday party, and everyone has agreed except the big silent guy and that just wasn't going to fly. The minute the silent guy slips into the cafeteria, Felix zeros in and makes a beeline for him. He cuts him off before he even gets the chance to sit down.

"You're coming to my party, right?" 

"No-" 

"Alright cool! See ya this Friday. If you don't come, I'll just have to go get ya, and it won't be pretty." He smirks and saunters away back to his table, not noticing the lingering gaze from the silent guy. 

The week comes and goes. The party was in it's high and Felix kept an eye out for those gray, hesitant eyes. Finally, he spots him near the entrance and rushes over, snatching up two cups from the punch table. "Hey, glad you could make it!" He shouts over the roar of the music and gives him a cup. 

"It's not spiked is it?" The other guy asks loudly. 

"What!?" 

"I asked if-" 

"Here, let's somewhere quieter!" He cuts him off and leads him upstairs to his room. "Here we go. Much, much quieter," He says and plopa down onto his bean bag chair, drinking from his cup. "What were you saying?" 

"I asked if the punch is alcoholic." 

"Psh, duh! Just drink, it's not strong." 

"...Okay," he mumbles and takes a sip. He gags at the strongness of it and moves to set it aside, but hesitates at Felix's look. With a sigh, he takes a bigger gulp and smiles at Felix's pleased look. 

"Oh, I never asked your name!" 

"...Samuel." 

"Too long; I'll just call you Sam," Felix dismisses and puts on low music. It wasn't as heavy as it was downatairs, but it wasn't slow either. He hated slow music. "Anyways, sit down on the other bean bag," he scoffs, "you standing there is irking me." He smiles as Sam takes a seat. The next few minutes was filled with boring chatter. Well, he thought gardening was boring, but apparently Sam didn't. He was giddy when Sam was drinking his punch and after fifteen minutes, Sam was starting to slur and within another fifteen, he was close to passing out. 

"Wha...wha waz in tha' drink?" He grumbles and rubs his eyes. "Dis yu...dsrug me?" He manages to get out. Felix gives an offended scoff. 

"What the fuck, Sam? Really? You blame your lightweight on me? Please." He rolls his eyes and helps him to the bed, his touches lingering a little longer than they should have. 

"Wha are yu doin'?" He asks and tries to swat his hands away, panicking a bit when hands tug his shirt off of him. 

"Uh, getting you comfortable for bed? What else?" 

"Oh...zorry..." he mumbles and nuzzles into the pillow. Felix rolls his eyes and leaves, coming back ten minutes later. He gets in bed and starts to take off Sam's pants. "H-hey!" He shouts and tries to push him away to no avail. 

*

After winter break was over, Felix sat down next to Sam every day in every class he had with him, during lunch, and after class. He did see how uncomfortable Sam felt around him, but he thought it was because he was now getting attention too. 

"Hey, Sam?" 

"Hmm?" 

"How old are you?" 

"...Seventeen." 

"Oh shit, really?" 

"Yes. You?" 

"I turned eighteen on the day I threw the winter costume party. I did say it was a birthday bash...want to have sex again?" 

"No!" Felix gives him a quizzical look. "I mean...it...hurt..." 

"Oh...I'm sorry. We can...try again if you want. This time, you take the lead." 

"Okay." 

"I'll even take the pill so that I won't move too much." He adds nonchalantly as if it was a common occurence and to him, it might very well be. 

"Wait, pill? Felix did you give me that pill when we had sex?" 

"Yeah, why?" Felix furrowed his brow. 

"Felix...don't use it on me anymore, okay? Just ask next time, okay?" Felix shrugs and picks up his bag. 

"Alright. You can come over whenever you want," he calls out over his shoulder and walks home. 

It took a couple of weeks before Sam visted and if he had to admit, having Sam be the top was better than having him be the bottom, probably because he didn't take the pill. Sam convinced him not to take it and it was the best decision ever. As he lay there, he drew lazy circles over his boyfriend's chest and smiles as he remembered something. 

"Tucker said I would always be a bottom," he chuckles and shakes his head. 

"...Who is Tucker?" Sam asks curiously. He's never heard of a Tucker in school. 

"One of my friends! They haven't been around for a while, probably because they hate it when I take those pills the doctors give me. Not the one my father has me take before having sex with me. Tucker and the gang decided to join the army. They visit every once in a while." He says, everything planting a few concerns in Sam's mind. 

"How long has it been going on? The whole...pill thing with your father." He asks cautiously. 

"Oh, since sixth grade! It hurt at first, but then it felt good. It continued until I entered sophomore year and my foster parents got a new kid to foster. She's in fifth grade now," he says as if it wasn't anything bad. At least, in his mind it wasn't. His foster father explained to him what the pill was for so he didn't think nothing of it. Maybe that's why Sam didn't like it-because he didn't tell him about the pill. He should have known. 

"...Felix, that's rape." 

"Rape?" 

"Yes. When someone doesn't consent to have sex and is forced to. The pill...forces you to have sex."

"But you liked it. _I_ liked it..." 

"No, Felix, I didn't, but I gave you another chance because you didn't realize. And...and your father shouldn't have been touching either. One, he's your father, and two, you were kid when he started. That is statutory rape." 

"...I think you should leave now," Felix mumbles and drags Sam out of his bedroom, throwing his clothes at him. 

"Felix-"

"No, I'm not listening to your lies!" He shouts and slams the door shut. 

For a moment he thought Sam left as he heard shuffling, but then his voice came back. "At least take the pills your doctor gave you. Those are good for you..." and then footsteps leading away. Felix slides down the door and stares at the floor blankly. He was wrong. Sam was wrong. It was all lies; he didn't know what he was talking about. He glanced at his laptop and decides he'll make sure it was all lies to stop the mumbles and voices in his head. 

He surfed through the websites, all of them saying the same. Fucking. Thing. 

_*click*_

Sam was right. 

_*click*_

Sam was right. 

_*click*_

Sam was right.

Felix shut his laptop and tugged hard on his hair, trying with all his might to tear it out. He deserved the pain anyway. He deserved because he caused Sam pain and Sam didn't shoo him away after what he did to him. 

And the voices. 

The voices didn't stop. Never stop. 

_Told you so, we told you so. Told you so, we told you so. Told you so, we tol-_

"Isaac, sweetie, stop, please!" A womanly voice shouted out and hands grabbed at his, trying their hardest to stop his hand. He shouts at them, not really forming any words, hands flying out to attack whoever was attacking them. He's pulled into a tight embrace, still fighting, but he soon recognizes the warm comfort as a safe zone. His momma was there to help him, just like she always did days after they first met at the orphanage. "I'm right here," she coos and runs her hand through his hair, soothing out the sore spots, frowing at the light bleeding. "Tell me what's wrong, Isa," she pleads and sits down with him on the bean bags. 

So he tells her everything. Tells her about the pill, about raping Sam, about his foster father raping him, about him _not knowing about it_, and how the voices were being extra loud after he found it wasn't all lies. 

He watches with slight fear as his momma frowns with a pensive look and walks towards his desk. She takes out two pills and hands it to him. "Here you go, Isa. These will help calm the voices. I'll bring you your favorite cup along with your food and orange juice. Does that sound nice?" 

He nods, smile forming on his face, then drops when he remembers about the pills. "Momma? Why do I have to take these? I remember taking them when I was at the orphange and with my first momma, but they never told me _why_ I had to take them." 

She sighs and sits down, taking his hands into hers. "It's because you're sick. Mentally sick, but that doesn't change the fact that you're a good person." 

"Is...is that why my friends don't like me when I take the pills? Because I'm sick?" 

"Isa...those friends...they're not real. They may be to you, but...none of us can see them." 

"O-oh..." His lip quivers, tears forming in his already puffy eyes again. After all these years...

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing wrong with having imaginary friends." 

"Is...is Sam fake too?" 

She smiles and brings him into a hug, kissing his forehead. "No. He's very much real." 

He smiles back, but now he felat even more worse knowing Sam was very much real and hurting because he hurt him. 

* * *

His foster father was taken away by the police soon after he told his foster mother. His foster sister was taken away, but being that he was eighteen, he was able to stay with his mother; one of the few people who actually gave a fuck about him. 

It's been over thirty years since then, and, given the fact that he's 48, he has gradually worsened in his condition, but he refuses to tell Locus that his pills no longer work. Getting a higher dose cost more and he didn't want to dig into their retirement savings. That and the fact he's a burden on his lover. They're not married, but he knows why. Locus is ashamed of him, has told him in one of his few drunken rages how he wishes they never met, and has ignored him for some time to focus on work. He has overheard Locus talking with Carolina and Wash how he's tired dealing with everything, tired of dealing with his outbursts, tired of hearing him talk about his friend, yet he hasn't done anything to kick him out. 

And for that he is grateful. Locus loves him enough to not give up on him. He makes the treck back home from the park, feeling one of his many outburst wriggling it way through his brain. He didn't want to add public humiliation on top of Locus's many burdens of him. He, Tucker, and Church have been escalating in fighting and it seemed to get worse by the day and sometimes they fought in front of Locus. He tried to ignore it, but he was always pulled into it someway or another. 

He looks up and sighs in relief. He made it home today, but as he enters, he felt the telltale signs of Church coming by to piss him off. He rubs his temples and through muscle memory, takes off his shoes, coat, and scarf at the entrance. "I'm home, Lo-Sam." He catches himself and pads to the kitchen. 

Locus peeks from the kitchen woth a soft, strained smile. "Hey. How was your walk?" 

"Umm," he tried to answer him but Tucker and Church seemed to have ganged up on him. "Shut up," he grumbles. 

"Pardon me?"

"Oh, no! Not you, Locus!" 

"...How many times have I told you that it is Samuel, not Locus," his dark-skinned lover grinds out with a forced smirk. 

"I'm sorry, really I am. I know you've told me mnay times but-goddammit, shut up, Tucker! Church, stop shouting!" He shouts and presses his palm against his forehead to try and get the voices to go away. 

Locus simply crosses his arms and scowls. "Did you take your pills today?" 

"No, goddammit! How many times do I have to tell you I hate that crap! I don't want to take them!" 

"Don't shout at me! I'm just trying to help you out here, but you keep shutting me out!" 

"I keep shutting you out!? You hate me!"

"Well for once you're fucking right! I hate you! I've long since stopped loving you and if it weren't for the fact that I promised your mother I'd take care of you, I would've dropped you ages ago! You're a pain in the ass, a thorn in my side, and it's going to get even worse now that you don't have medical insurance to pay for those fucking pills that don't seem to work!" 

"That's because they don't work anymore!" Felix finally had had enough of the voices and lunges at Locus, hands quickly wrapping around his neck and tightening. He felt Locus gasping for breath, felt that rush of adrenaline knowing a life was literally at his hands, felt that panic knowing that Sam's life was slipping from his hands. With a startled gasp, he wrenches away from Sam with wide eyes, body shaking uncontrollably. He stares at his hands for a long time, startled when two pills are set on one of his open palms. He looks at Locus and sees one of the most tired faces he's ever seen on his lover. 

"Please just take them..." And so he did. He sits down on the living room couch. Minutes later, he felt the world spinning then darkening. 

*

He awoke to bright lights and whirring machines. He looks around and saw how everything was so...white...so empty. Then the panic set in.

_Sam left him_. 

No. 

No!

It couldn't be! 

He couldn't be abandoned by another person he loved!

"I'm sorry!" He wails into the room and tries to break out of his bonds. Faintly, he heard the doors slams open, but he was still panicking to really take notice. 

"Isaac, Isaac! It's me, Sam! I'm still here, Isaac!" Sam says and holds Isaac's face in his hands. He forces him to look at him, smiling bigger when the heart rate monitor starts to drop it's heavy beeping. "I'm really sorry. I brought to Dr. Grey since you fainted after taking the pills." 

Isaac's bottom lip quivers. "I want my sippy cup." Sam smiles and pulls it out of his bag.

"Here. Filled with orange juice too," he says softly and sits down on the chair next to him. "I'm sorry. I should have been here for when you woke up. I didn't think you were gonna be awake in the few minutes I went to talk woth Dr. Grey.

"I should have known that too!" Came the cheery voice of the doctor as she checked through all of the vitals. "Well, so far everything checks out. Besides for that big scare, his vitals are back to normal." 

"What about him fainting?" Asks Sam worridly. 

"I'll need to a run a CT scan for that, but we needed him awake for that, so now we can go ahead and move to that." Dr. Grey says and calls in nurses to help moves Isaac. 

"CT?" Isaac asks worridly. Sam squeezes his hand lightly. 

"It's harmless, don't worry. They're going to use a machine to take pictures of your brain. Remember when you were 25 and got in a car accident?" Isaac nods. "They're going to do that again, but this time to find out why you fainted." Isaac nods again, calmer this time. Sam smiles, walking alongside him until he was stopped by the nurses. With a sigh, he stood behind the glass with concern, although glad Isaac wasn't showing any signs of panicking again. 

With a deep breath, Isaac stayed as still as he could, breath hitching as the machine hummed to life, but nothing else. He was in and out of there within minutes and back within Sam's arms, Dr. Grey leading them back to her office. 

Isaac sits down takes a small sip from his cup, smiling at the taste of orange juice. He looks up and smiles at the doctor. 

"Feeling better, Isaac?" He nods. "Good! Now looking at the cerebral scan we took, everything seems to be fine. Well, as fine as a person struggling with psychosis is. As for him fainting, it must have happened when you took the pills. You said he went into one of breaks?" 

Sam nods solemnly, and absentmindedly touches his throat. "Yes. It was...worse this time. More...aggressive than the previous ones." 

"Has he been taking his pills regularly?" 

"Yes, but I've noticed they haven't been working as effectively. I would have taken him to a psychiatrist for another check up, but...his medical insurance was taken away and without it, he couldn't go see one. I have one, but unfortunately, it only pertains to me and I cannot give it to someone else. I use what little money I get to be able to pay for his medication."

"I see. If you don't mind, I wish to speak with Isaac alone." 

Sam glances at Isaac and nods. "Of course. I'll be right outside," he says a little louder for reassurance and leaves the office. Isaac looks at the doctor in hesitation and fidgets with his cup. 

"Okay! I'm going to ask you a series of questions and I hope you can answer then truthfully," she says excitedly and takes out her clipboard. 

They weren't hard questions. He answered everything truthfully and was glad to get everything off of his chest. He never really liked keeping everything bottled up inside. 

"Hmm...well, for someone who has been so long without proper treatment, you are faring better than others." Isaac nods quickly with a smile. 

"After the orphanage, my foster mother did everything she could to make me comfortable. Then I met Sam in high school...although, it didn't start off well because...I hurt him," he mumbles the last part and sighs, shoulders slumping. 

Dr. Grey hums and takes out multiple bottles. "In front of me are all the different medications my psychosis patients are given. They never stay with one single type as it changes as they get better or if the episodes get..violent. I need you to tell me which ones you have taken." Isaac scratches his head and only points out the first two. He sees Dr. Grey nod and scribble on her pad. "You don't have medical insurance, correct?" 

Isaac shakes his head and rubs his arm. "How luch will the new medication cost?" He was afraid of how much more money Sam would waste on him.

"Nothing!"

"...Umm?"

"All paid for by taxes!" She claps and hands him a copy of his prescription. "It's a stronger dose, and effective as well. No more than two pills a week, okay? I also added a box of sedatives in case you feel the need to take one." 

He smiles. "Thank you, Dr. Grey," he says as he walks out of the office with her. 

Sam smiles also. "Yes, thank you," he repeats and leads his lover out of there. Isaac holds his prescription close as they walk towards the car. 

"Sam...I've been meaning to ask." 

"Yes?"

"Why don't you want to marry me?" Sam stops and turns to stare at Isaac. Isaac shrinks in on himself, waiting for the excuses. 

"Isaac...we are married." 

"...What? Since when?" 

"A month after we graduated high school."

"...Huh." 

_Now_ he remembers. 


End file.
